Ambrose Bierce
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timeline spans from 1914 to 1914
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1914

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Other Events


"A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it."


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"Academe n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy n.: A modern school where football is taught."


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"Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name."


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"Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh."


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"Land: A part of the earths surface considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society and is eminently worthy of the superstructure."


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"Famous adj.: Conspicuously miserable."


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"Irreligion - the principal one of the great faiths of the world."


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"Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another."


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"Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows."


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"Eloquence n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white."


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"Patience n. A minor form of dispair disguised as a virtue."


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"Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her."


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"Marriage n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master a mistress and two slaves making in all two."


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"Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels levers and springs and believes it civilization."


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"Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable."


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"Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage."


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"In our civilization and under our republican form of government intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office."


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"Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age."


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"Men become civilized not in proportion to their willingness to believe but in proportion to their readiness to doubt."


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"Liberty: One of Imaginations most precious possessions."


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"It is evident that skepticism while it makes no actual change in man always makes him feel better."


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"Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills."


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"Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced."


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"Learning n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious."


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"Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge of things without parallel."


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"Present n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope."


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"The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up."


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"Prescription: A physicians guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient."


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"Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art."


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"War is Gods way of teaching Americans geography."


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"The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling."


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"What this country needs what every country needs occasionally is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends."


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"Alliance - in international politics the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each others pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third."


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"To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense."


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"Education n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding."


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"Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate."


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"The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge."


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"The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations."


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"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."


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"Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience."


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"Destiny: A tyrants authority for crime and a fools excuse for failure."


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"Sweater n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly."


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"Revolution n. In politics an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment."


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"Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of."


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"Beauty n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband."


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"Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success."


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"Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while."


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"Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding."


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"Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age."


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"Painting n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic."


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"Ardor n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge."


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"Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freemans power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country."


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"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect."


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"Day n. A period of twenty-four hours mostly misspent."


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"Dawn: When men of reason go to bed."


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"Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power or the consideration to be dead."


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"Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility."


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"Jealous adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping."


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"Anoint v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery."


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"Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense."


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"Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness."


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"Telephone n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance."


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"Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion."


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"Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house and plans a draft of your money."


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"Doubt indulged and cherished is in danger of becoming denial but if honest and bent on thorough investigation it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth."


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"Edible adj.: Good to eat and wholesome to digest as a worm to a toad a toad to a snake a snake to a pig a pig to a man and a man to a worm."


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"Edible - good to eat and wholesome to digest as a worm to a toad a toad to a snake a snake to a pig a pig to a man and a man to a worm."


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"Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage."


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"Consul - in American politics a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country."


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"Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones."


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"Positive adj.: Mistaken at the top of ones voice."


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"Who never doubted never half believed. Where doubt is there truth is - it is her shadow."


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"History is an account mostly false of events mostly unimportant which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves and soldiers mostly fools."


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"Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience."


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"Conservative n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others."


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"Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out."


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"Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper our friends are true and our happiness is assured."


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"Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage."


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"Clairvoyant n.: A person commonly a woman who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely that he is a blockhead."


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"Mad adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence."


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"To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of ones voice."


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